What do I really want?

I was on travel for few days and all the time I was incidently thinking on my change process.
The "magic" three words which occurs in all three languages are time, process, result.

So, what do I really want?

I will have time.
Hmm, I have time. To get more time is not really possible, there is a natural limit, or ;-)?
I do need to be more precise: I want to spend my time differently.
In order to do WHAT?

Long pause for thought.
I know what I do not want. But that does not answer my question.

Long pause for thought (Honestly, I already think about half an hour. My neighbors coming alonge and ask me how I feel, why I am not going to the beach- it is sunny and warm here).

I want to rest.
I want to have time to be at home here in Fitou, time to restore our house, time for reading books, time to learn French, time to travel -  just for fun.

What detains me spending my time like that?
What went wrong there? I mean, millions live just like this: go to work for some houers, go home, have free time, make holidays ,.... Why not me?

I want to find that out!

Wished result
 A calmer life, more serenity, time for leisure.



answers could be: you flee
and: you are not used to
and: you are used to do useful things targeting a result (even if the process is the result)
and: you love to control instead of letting go

the possible economical answers:
you are not an employee
holidays mean to spend money instead of earning it
staying at home means to do nothing instead of keeping your biz on going
you don't leave your biz in your office just by closing the door, you take it with you whereever you go

question at the end: how much money do you need to have a good feeling when you do "nothing"?